The Lar Lubovitch Experience has come to a close. What an amazing three weeks spent in a small town with big people. I have met so many extraordinary people and made a lot a great friends that I hope to never lose. It's amazing what three weeks can do to you...
It was very emotional for me today. We had our final Yoga class with Nicole and then had a modern class with Jason. His class was very Graham. It was a great class, I only wish Jason could have taught us more. He told us that he was one of the founders of Battleworks by Robert Battle! No wonder he is such an exquisite dancer, Robert Battle was his colleague!
Then we had lunch, an hour rehearsal and then the show. Kate and Brian showed 3/4 of Fandango, the duet we had been learning in partnering class with Sylvan. It was beautiful! It definitely is a challenging duet...and we only learned 2:00 of the 15:00 minute solo!! Then the show started. We saw Nicole, Reid/Jenna, and Chris's pieces go, and then Jojo's....and it was kind of a disaster. Not only did my skirt fall off, but the timing was completely off and everyone's timing with the music created a sloppy canon. I was not pleased...but then we all talked to everyone and no one really noticed. Because the piece was so dramatic and theatrical, people weren't especially invested in the specific details.
I talked to Jonathan afterwards and explained to him how frustrated I was with my performance. He said that given the circumstances, we did the best we could have! Our rehearsals were perfect too! That is what sucks! This is why Ms. E always told us it's good to have a bad dress rehearsal and bad luck to have a successful one! Anyways, I was talking with Jojo after and I shared to him my frustration of the future. His response was to not be discouraged and that everyone has those days where you wonder if you should even be in this career path..but he encouraged me to go forth and continue to work hard. He said, "Be the diva that you already are but are afraid of being." This was definitely a boost for me. Shoutout to Jojo to helping me through this process! I feel as though he's been there with me since Day 1, making me feel like I belong in this business. And although it seems silly, it really helped me gain my confidence. While everyone was telling everyone else how beautiful they were I felt as though I was not noticed. But even for a split second, Jojo noticed me and my hard work and it felt great to be appreciated by someone. I will continue to work my hardest and try to grasp my inner diva however, without the help of others but by simply trusting myself.
I have learned so much about myself in this journey, and it would have not been possible without my parents. Without their hard work and their dedication to me and my successes, I would not have come so far. I am living my dream right now, I am hoping that all this hard work pays off and allows me success in the future, but I have so much to be thankful for. If my journey in dance must end to tomorrow, at least I can say that I had a great experience and that I had supportive parents to back me up.
Thank you to everyone who made this experience worthwhile. I will miss my Skidmore/Saratoga/Lubovitch friends, but have no doubt I will see them all again. For now, adios!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Day 18
Today I woke up with a bad attitude and a bad outlook on my life and experiences, but today I ended the day on a high note in hopes for my future. What an emotional roller coaster I have been on these past three weeks. After all, I have been exposed in a vulnerable place that I am typically not in. Living here in Saratoga for three weeks, I have met phenomenal people and have learned a great deal about dance, people, and life. I feel as though I have found an inner connectivity to the world around me and the true meaning of everything that happens in a day, month, year, and lifetime. Yes, I have learned a great deal of technique from some of the most brilliant people in the world, and yes I have made some new friends and connections that will hopefully cross my path in my future, but most of all I have learned a great deal about myself.
Today I woke up thinking, I am not good enough and realized that I am as good as I want to be. And what is "good?" There simply is no definition of a good dancer. You will never in a lifetime be able to judge the quality of joy that someone has from the brilliance of dance. And yes, maybe I will never be in Lar Lubovitch, or Alvin Ailey, or even Shen Wei, but if I am dancing and enjoying life and being the best I can be that's all that I can do, and that is enough. In our lecture demonstration today we viewed Attila do his solos from Little Rhapsodies, Jason do his Meredith Monk solo, and saw videos of Chris Vo and Concerto 622. After the demonstrations we had our final chat with Lar and the company. He asked us to give feedback to him and the company to see what we are going to take back with us. Something that struck me was when Jeannie spoke. She said a quote about the idea of perfection and the idea we have of perfection in our minds and this is what she said:
" Perfection is counterproductive, it likes humility. In order to find a straight line you have to work humbly."
This resonated with me in a way that made me feel quite emotional. After having a rough class with Chris Vo today in modern, I all of a sudden realized that it's okay that I am not perfect. Dance is a constant journey that will never be perfected but will constantly require work and attention to keep its beauty.
Another thing Lar mentioned was body image. It was a side note of the discussion but he brought it up and said this:
"You don't have to change your body to dance, but you can change your body if you don't like it."
This is so powerful for me and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have always had body image issues. I don't want to risk my health by starving myself to make it as an artist, but often it is perceived that being a dancer means you must be skinny. It's great to hear someone with such power say that you can be accepted for who you are, in fact it is preferred.
On another note, tonight after rehearsal we went to the company member's apartments and hung out with the company members. It was cool to see them just as people. Often people see people who are so successful, or see role models or icons and become star-struck, and more often than not you find out the inner personality of these people and find them to not be the icon you thought they were portrayed as. Being around the company members made me respect them even more. Seeing them as real people, just like us made me think that they aren't an unnatural super hero with special powers, they worked hard to get to where they are today. If I work hard enough I could possibly be where they are today. Then after we talked about dance, Attila said something that was kind of an epiphany for me. He said, "Dance and life are on a parallel. Dance is about the transitions and Life is about the journey. There are certain milestones in your life that you remember, but what really matters isn't your destination, it's how you got to that point." And it is so true. Growing never stops, Dancing never stops, and Learning never stops. The only thing that stops is time, so take advantage of it while you can. I have realized that as long as I am honest with myself and as long as I am enjoying every part of my life, I will be okay and things will work out. Life's plan for me may be even bigger than dance, who knows...I am willing to take this journey to find out what it is.
Today I woke up thinking, I am not good enough and realized that I am as good as I want to be. And what is "good?" There simply is no definition of a good dancer. You will never in a lifetime be able to judge the quality of joy that someone has from the brilliance of dance. And yes, maybe I will never be in Lar Lubovitch, or Alvin Ailey, or even Shen Wei, but if I am dancing and enjoying life and being the best I can be that's all that I can do, and that is enough. In our lecture demonstration today we viewed Attila do his solos from Little Rhapsodies, Jason do his Meredith Monk solo, and saw videos of Chris Vo and Concerto 622. After the demonstrations we had our final chat with Lar and the company. He asked us to give feedback to him and the company to see what we are going to take back with us. Something that struck me was when Jeannie spoke. She said a quote about the idea of perfection and the idea we have of perfection in our minds and this is what she said:
" Perfection is counterproductive, it likes humility. In order to find a straight line you have to work humbly."
This resonated with me in a way that made me feel quite emotional. After having a rough class with Chris Vo today in modern, I all of a sudden realized that it's okay that I am not perfect. Dance is a constant journey that will never be perfected but will constantly require work and attention to keep its beauty.
Another thing Lar mentioned was body image. It was a side note of the discussion but he brought it up and said this:
"You don't have to change your body to dance, but you can change your body if you don't like it."
This is so powerful for me and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have always had body image issues. I don't want to risk my health by starving myself to make it as an artist, but often it is perceived that being a dancer means you must be skinny. It's great to hear someone with such power say that you can be accepted for who you are, in fact it is preferred.
On another note, tonight after rehearsal we went to the company member's apartments and hung out with the company members. It was cool to see them just as people. Often people see people who are so successful, or see role models or icons and become star-struck, and more often than not you find out the inner personality of these people and find them to not be the icon you thought they were portrayed as. Being around the company members made me respect them even more. Seeing them as real people, just like us made me think that they aren't an unnatural super hero with special powers, they worked hard to get to where they are today. If I work hard enough I could possibly be where they are today. Then after we talked about dance, Attila said something that was kind of an epiphany for me. He said, "Dance and life are on a parallel. Dance is about the transitions and Life is about the journey. There are certain milestones in your life that you remember, but what really matters isn't your destination, it's how you got to that point." And it is so true. Growing never stops, Dancing never stops, and Learning never stops. The only thing that stops is time, so take advantage of it while you can. I have realized that as long as I am honest with myself and as long as I am enjoying every part of my life, I will be okay and things will work out. Life's plan for me may be even bigger than dance, who knows...I am willing to take this journey to find out what it is.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Day 17
Today was a tiring but productive day! I had so much today! We had Pilates in the morning with Laura, our LAST Pilates class! It was very sad, but I felt SO much stronger by the end of it. Then we had ZUMBA again with Chris. His Zumba class is really good. I took Zumba at Ailey last summer and it was a good class, but not as fun and clear as Chris'. He is very good at keeping the momentum and energy up while directing us in a way for us to be able to adjust to his movements quickly. It is such a fun class! I heard people are on a wait-list for his class, no wonder!
Then we had Jazz class with Jojo and he taught a combination that was made to the song Who you are by Jessie J. I related to it in so many ways. It was a little hectic learning the piece at first, but I really connected with the words as well as the emotional response of the movement to the music. We ended up running 10 minutes late to do that combo again! I literally fell in love with it. I would have rather skipped lunch to keep doing that combo. Jojo also made a really good point in the class. He said, "Dance is a short-lived career, you don't have enough time, so be ferocious." Everyone has been telling me just to go after and attack everything with all that I have. I feel as though I have always been persistent in trying to get everything right in dance, now it's time to just enjoy it. Because, dance eventually dies. You can't have something so beautiful last forever, so enjoy it while you can.
Then we had Repertory with Jeannie where Jacki and I learned the duet from Concerto 622 in fifteen minutes! Everyone else had already knew the combo, but since we missed Repertory the other day we had to learn it right away. When I first attempted to pick up the steps, I was scared! But within a few minutes, I picked it up really quickly! I was shocked at how fast we learned it. I had had thoughts earlier in the day about my ability to pick up combinations, and to be honest I don't think I have bad memory. I think my real problem is that I zone out when it is time to learn a combination. I think a big step I need to take is to be in the moment of dance and to pay closer attention in the learning process of choreography so that I can initiate my body in better positioning from the get-go.
We then moved onto our rehearsal with Jojo which lasted from 4-6:30. We did so much running back and forth, I felt as though I ran 3 miles! It was super crazy! Jojo changed the choreography again, but I finally feel pretty secure with the majority of the dance. At first I was a little concerned because I thought the only thing I would be doing would be to arrange the curtains, but I did get assigned a lot more choreography today. The piece feels more confident and it feels like it is coming along better than others are anticipating. I just hope that it all works out and we blow people away with our performance.
I feel as though I have developed a lot of bad habits in my dancing that I want to fix. Looking at all the dancers here intimidates me, but also informs me. I feel as though I have a long way to go to push to a higher level, but that overall I am grasping some concepts a lot better. I think for now I just need to work on developing better habits as well as keeping up with my strengthening conditioning. Sometimes I feel so discouraged for a period of time and feel as though all my work is a waste, but then I have days like today where I discover my joy of dance all over again through simple combinations, classes, rehearsals...and my reasoning for being in this profession/field all becomes clear again.
Then we had Jazz class with Jojo and he taught a combination that was made to the song Who you are by Jessie J. I related to it in so many ways. It was a little hectic learning the piece at first, but I really connected with the words as well as the emotional response of the movement to the music. We ended up running 10 minutes late to do that combo again! I literally fell in love with it. I would have rather skipped lunch to keep doing that combo. Jojo also made a really good point in the class. He said, "Dance is a short-lived career, you don't have enough time, so be ferocious." Everyone has been telling me just to go after and attack everything with all that I have. I feel as though I have always been persistent in trying to get everything right in dance, now it's time to just enjoy it. Because, dance eventually dies. You can't have something so beautiful last forever, so enjoy it while you can.
Then we had Repertory with Jeannie where Jacki and I learned the duet from Concerto 622 in fifteen minutes! Everyone else had already knew the combo, but since we missed Repertory the other day we had to learn it right away. When I first attempted to pick up the steps, I was scared! But within a few minutes, I picked it up really quickly! I was shocked at how fast we learned it. I had had thoughts earlier in the day about my ability to pick up combinations, and to be honest I don't think I have bad memory. I think my real problem is that I zone out when it is time to learn a combination. I think a big step I need to take is to be in the moment of dance and to pay closer attention in the learning process of choreography so that I can initiate my body in better positioning from the get-go.
We then moved onto our rehearsal with Jojo which lasted from 4-6:30. We did so much running back and forth, I felt as though I ran 3 miles! It was super crazy! Jojo changed the choreography again, but I finally feel pretty secure with the majority of the dance. At first I was a little concerned because I thought the only thing I would be doing would be to arrange the curtains, but I did get assigned a lot more choreography today. The piece feels more confident and it feels like it is coming along better than others are anticipating. I just hope that it all works out and we blow people away with our performance.
I feel as though I have developed a lot of bad habits in my dancing that I want to fix. Looking at all the dancers here intimidates me, but also informs me. I feel as though I have a long way to go to push to a higher level, but that overall I am grasping some concepts a lot better. I think for now I just need to work on developing better habits as well as keeping up with my strengthening conditioning. Sometimes I feel so discouraged for a period of time and feel as though all my work is a waste, but then I have days like today where I discover my joy of dance all over again through simple combinations, classes, rehearsals...and my reasoning for being in this profession/field all becomes clear again.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Day 16
Today I woke up feeling better, but still sick. I went to breakfast and avoided eggs, but also avoided meat which meant I barely had any protein for the morning, which isn't norm
Monday, June 13, 2011
Day 15
Today was a sick day! I think I dehydrated myself this weekend and it caught up with me today because I felt nauseous and dizzy all morning and had a huge headache! I ate breakfast but could barely eat because my stomach felt horrid, and I had cramps. Then I went to Pilates which was surprisingly not bad even with my cramps. My abdominal muscles are getting stronger and the exercises are becoming far easier. I then had Modern with Reid where we learned about the Kline technique and did twenty minutes of release in the hips and back of the legs. It was an interesting concept and it helped open up and release some tension in my hips and back of the legs. Reid said that doing this technique really helped him find a medium between release and tension and where to draw the line. He said that doing this technique helped people find ways to use the pelvis as a means for stabilization as opposed to holding tension in other areas of the body. It makes sense; the pelvis is the center of gravity, so movement should be surrounded around the pelvis as a center as opposed to strictly the core abdominals.
At lunch, I was really beginning to feel dizzy. I realized that it might of had to do with the fact that I hadn't drank a lot of water. I went back to my room and laid down. I then decided to not go to to repertory since I had rehearsal from 6:00-9:00. I took a two hour nap and drank a lot of water and coconut water before and after. I then went to dinner and then had rehearsal with Jojo. He is super insane and I love it! Choreographers who are insane are more fun to work with! At least he finds a way to keep it interesting. But some of the other girls saw part of our piece and immediately got jealous, they were like..."Man Jojo is puttingon a full production with you guys..." and yep they're right, he sure is! I love the dance, it is really coming along nicely.
Something I have come to realize is that you can learn a lot about different things, but unless you actually apply it in your life, it is useless. From everything I have learned in all my years of dancing and all my years of living life, I have been hoping it would all change by itself. If I want something to change, I have to change and I have to do something to make things happen. So if I really want to dance professionally, I have to make it happen for me...no one else can. So that's what I intend on doing. Watch out world, here I come.
"Efficiency is cute."- Jojo
"Step onto the unseen earth with commitment. People can pull rugs, but never the earth. Be strong." - Vincent Thomas
"There's a place for us all but dance and life are what you make it....BE FEARLESS."- Linda Denise Fisher Harrell
At lunch, I was really beginning to feel dizzy. I realized that it might of had to do with the fact that I hadn't drank a lot of water. I went back to my room and laid down. I then decided to not go to to repertory since I had rehearsal from 6:00-9:00. I took a two hour nap and drank a lot of water and coconut water before and after. I then went to dinner and then had rehearsal with Jojo. He is super insane and I love it! Choreographers who are insane are more fun to work with! At least he finds a way to keep it interesting. But some of the other girls saw part of our piece and immediately got jealous, they were like..."Man Jojo is puttingon a full production with you guys..." and yep they're right, he sure is! I love the dance, it is really coming along nicely.
Something I have come to realize is that you can learn a lot about different things, but unless you actually apply it in your life, it is useless. From everything I have learned in all my years of dancing and all my years of living life, I have been hoping it would all change by itself. If I want something to change, I have to change and I have to do something to make things happen. So if I really want to dance professionally, I have to make it happen for me...no one else can. So that's what I intend on doing. Watch out world, here I come.
"Efficiency is cute."- Jojo
"Step onto the unseen earth with commitment. People can pull rugs, but never the earth. Be strong." - Vincent Thomas
"There's a place for us all but dance and life are what you make it....BE FEARLESS."- Linda Denise Fisher Harrell
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Day 14
Today not much happened. The girls and I went to breakfast then went to the gym to find it closed. So we ran around the track for a few minutes and did some Yoga with Emma. Then we went to lunch and picked up 5 movies from the library. We watched Thirteen and Session 9. They were sad and scary movies! But yeah, not too much to reflect about today. The only thing really on my mind is how we only have 5 days left of this intensive and I'm not happy about it! And rehearsals are going to be mad long this week because our pieces need to come together!
I want this week to go by slower so I can enjoy it longer, but we all know how this will work. The times when you are having the most fun in your life will flash before your eyes.
I want this week to go by slower so I can enjoy it longer, but we all know how this will work. The times when you are having the most fun in your life will flash before your eyes.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Day 13
Today was kind of an odd day! Very blah. I woke up at 8:00 for Breakfast with Mirela and Jackie. It was rainy and cold out for most of the day. We decided to take a trip to the mall/movies. Since the Artsfest parade was going on we had to take an alternative route to get to the mall. But we got there and saw Hangover 2. It was funny, not as bad as the Washington Post described, but not as good as the first one.
Then we got back and saw a dance performance at Skidmore's Dance Theatre. It was even more disappointing then the previous night! Not only was the choreography horrendous, but the performance from the dancers was weak. I felt no energy in that room until the very last dance, and that was only because the male dancer was entertaining. Seeing performances like that give me hope that I will find jobs in NYC and that I shouldn't worry. I might have to worry about finding more than one job, but that's already a depiction of who I am. I need to have at least 2 jobs so that I don't get bored!
Then we had a girls night where we watched Friends and dance videos. I am really going to miss these girls! I feel like I know them so well and we are bonding so much! I don't want to leave them. On Monday we will only have four more days together and then it will be time to say goodbye! I hope we cross paths with one another in the future because spending this time with them has been a blessing!
So thankful for what life has given me, the opportunity for me to do what I love.
Then we got back and saw a dance performance at Skidmore's Dance Theatre. It was even more disappointing then the previous night! Not only was the choreography horrendous, but the performance from the dancers was weak. I felt no energy in that room until the very last dance, and that was only because the male dancer was entertaining. Seeing performances like that give me hope that I will find jobs in NYC and that I shouldn't worry. I might have to worry about finding more than one job, but that's already a depiction of who I am. I need to have at least 2 jobs so that I don't get bored!
Then we had a girls night where we watched Friends and dance videos. I am really going to miss these girls! I feel like I know them so well and we are bonding so much! I don't want to leave them. On Monday we will only have four more days together and then it will be time to say goodbye! I hope we cross paths with one another in the future because spending this time with them has been a blessing!
So thankful for what life has given me, the opportunity for me to do what I love.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Day 12
I woke up to this horoscope:
"There has been a rush of energy around you for a while now -- both positive and negative energy. You're still not in any position to sort through the noise and filter out all the bad stuff, but you can help your situation by keeping a bright outlook. Another thing in your favor is that this hectic energy quiets down today. The pace of life will slow considerably, and you'll be able to relax and get a more secure grip on things."
How accurate is that? Creepy.
Today was a much better day. Everything about today was an improvement on how yesterday was.
We had Floor Barre given by Lar again. I feel like each day I practice floor barre I improve drastically.
Then I had Nancy for Modern and Repertory where we learned a solo entitled, Pardon my Affection which Nancy performed years ago. It was a beautifully crafted solo that made me really sad at one point. Lar described one part of the solo as depicting "someone not worthy enough to give someone love."How sad! It affected the emotional performance quality after he made that statement. The entire room was silent.
Then we saw a performance from the New York City Ballet who performed piece by Justin Peck called Saratoga Dances. It was not what I expected. The dancers were beautiful. But the choreography was weak. I think after being exposed to such a phenomenal choreographer such as Lar however, we have been spoiled. Also, the last piece was a World Premiere, so it might need some editing. They did however perform Apollo which was choreographed by Balanchine and they did a pretty good job performing that.
Then we proceeded to have a girls night in where we ate Smartfood Popcorn and watched Friends. I really don't want to leave my girls and this intensive. I really wish it was double the time! 3 weeks simply is not enough!
"There has been a rush of energy around you for a while now -- both positive and negative energy. You're still not in any position to sort through the noise and filter out all the bad stuff, but you can help your situation by keeping a bright outlook. Another thing in your favor is that this hectic energy quiets down today. The pace of life will slow considerably, and you'll be able to relax and get a more secure grip on things."
How accurate is that? Creepy.
Today was a much better day. Everything about today was an improvement on how yesterday was.
We had Floor Barre given by Lar again. I feel like each day I practice floor barre I improve drastically.
Then I had Nancy for Modern and Repertory where we learned a solo entitled, Pardon my Affection which Nancy performed years ago. It was a beautifully crafted solo that made me really sad at one point. Lar described one part of the solo as depicting "someone not worthy enough to give someone love."How sad! It affected the emotional performance quality after he made that statement. The entire room was silent.
Then we saw a performance from the New York City Ballet who performed piece by Justin Peck called Saratoga Dances. It was not what I expected. The dancers were beautiful. But the choreography was weak. I think after being exposed to such a phenomenal choreographer such as Lar however, we have been spoiled. Also, the last piece was a World Premiere, so it might need some editing. They did however perform Apollo which was choreographed by Balanchine and they did a pretty good job performing that.
Then we proceeded to have a girls night in where we ate Smartfood Popcorn and watched Friends. I really don't want to leave my girls and this intensive. I really wish it was double the time! 3 weeks simply is not enough!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Day 11
Today was day 11 and man was it rough...and I thought 11 was my lucky number! I don't know why, but I lost all the confidence that I have had with me the past ten days here. I felt so vulnerable and exposed today. I woke up really early after staying up really late last night and went to breakfast. I feel as though I was trying to close myself off today because I felt so exposed emotionally. Everytime I was around people I felt as if they were judging me in some way. I know it's all in my head, but it's still frustrating. My horoscope for today even had negative energy in it:
"You have too much on your plate right now, so try to just let go of some of it. You need to carve out some time for yourself today ...with this kind of great energy, it's time for you to put at least one personal issue to rest. It should feel great when you finally leave it behind you!"
This was definitely true.
I had ballet today and Repertory with Jeannie. She is such a great lady, but taking class with her is painful at times. Her ballet class is basic but also really hard. And she speaks so softly so it is often hard to hear the corrections she gives, which then makes it difficult for me to apply them to myself. I feel as though I was not focused at all today in ballet. It was so difficult for me to think about combinations. I think what I really needed was some alone time and some therapeutic healing emotionally. Because I left lunch early because I was feeling overwhelmed and then as soon as I got to Repertory class felt horrible. It was so hard to lift my spirit back up. Building a healthy relationship with your mind is very difficult, especially for me. I feel as though I am constantly judging myself and my status. I hate it, but at the same time it keeps me going. I keep thinking to myself, if everyone in Lar's company came from Julliard, what are the chances I will ever in my life get the opportunity to work with a choreographer and dance master so great, when I come from Towson? Not to hate on Towson, but the environment is so different. There is a different aura around the students and it is not a productive one. And while it is better to have confidence, I feel as though many don't realize the intensity of this craft. I feel as though I put in 100% everyday in class, or at least 99% of the time, and I even have my doubts about reaching an advanced level and getting dance opportunities many will not get.
I talked to my friend Mirela about this today at the company's performance at SPAC, and her reply was simply this:
"There is a place for everyone, you just have to find yours."
She is such a sweetheart and she always makes me feel better! And not to mention she is this gorgeous ballerina! I love her! The people here have been amazing to get to know. I can't believe in these 11 short days I have made such close bonds with so many people.
After seeing the company perform again, I have regained my energy and passion to keep progressing forward. It's a sad thought thinking about the reality of the arts and the amount of jobs that are even left in this world of art and dance. But it's something I love, and that's all that matters. I think that in life many do not get the opportunity to follow their dreams, no matter how big it can happen though and it all comes from the brain. Lar Lubovitch even said, "All dance begins in the brain." Which is literally true, because dance must be thought out and coordinated from brain signals...however it can also take a figurative approach. Dance may seem to be a very athletic and physical art form, but a lot of dance comes from the way you mentally solve problems and emotionally express yourself, which both come from the brain. Hopefully it will all work out in the end and I will be dancing in several different companies and doing design on the side, and will be living in the city...enjoying life.
This weekend= Artsfest, Gym, Lake George, and Rest/Relax!
I also have been thinking about my choreography also. I have already planned a lot of things out for my comp piece as well as edits for my piece with Thomas, which I am VERY excited to work on!
" Dance is an active verb, it never stops."- Jeannie
" If you can't hear the music, you can't feel the music in your body."- Jeannie
"You have too much on your plate right now, so try to just let go of some of it. You need to carve out some time for yourself today ...with this kind of great energy, it's time for you to put at least one personal issue to rest. It should feel great when you finally leave it behind you!"
This was definitely true.
I had ballet today and Repertory with Jeannie. She is such a great lady, but taking class with her is painful at times. Her ballet class is basic but also really hard. And she speaks so softly so it is often hard to hear the corrections she gives, which then makes it difficult for me to apply them to myself. I feel as though I was not focused at all today in ballet. It was so difficult for me to think about combinations. I think what I really needed was some alone time and some therapeutic healing emotionally. Because I left lunch early because I was feeling overwhelmed and then as soon as I got to Repertory class felt horrible. It was so hard to lift my spirit back up. Building a healthy relationship with your mind is very difficult, especially for me. I feel as though I am constantly judging myself and my status. I hate it, but at the same time it keeps me going. I keep thinking to myself, if everyone in Lar's company came from Julliard, what are the chances I will ever in my life get the opportunity to work with a choreographer and dance master so great, when I come from Towson? Not to hate on Towson, but the environment is so different. There is a different aura around the students and it is not a productive one. And while it is better to have confidence, I feel as though many don't realize the intensity of this craft. I feel as though I put in 100% everyday in class, or at least 99% of the time, and I even have my doubts about reaching an advanced level and getting dance opportunities many will not get.
I talked to my friend Mirela about this today at the company's performance at SPAC, and her reply was simply this:
"There is a place for everyone, you just have to find yours."
She is such a sweetheart and she always makes me feel better! And not to mention she is this gorgeous ballerina! I love her! The people here have been amazing to get to know. I can't believe in these 11 short days I have made such close bonds with so many people.
After seeing the company perform again, I have regained my energy and passion to keep progressing forward. It's a sad thought thinking about the reality of the arts and the amount of jobs that are even left in this world of art and dance. But it's something I love, and that's all that matters. I think that in life many do not get the opportunity to follow their dreams, no matter how big it can happen though and it all comes from the brain. Lar Lubovitch even said, "All dance begins in the brain." Which is literally true, because dance must be thought out and coordinated from brain signals...however it can also take a figurative approach. Dance may seem to be a very athletic and physical art form, but a lot of dance comes from the way you mentally solve problems and emotionally express yourself, which both come from the brain. Hopefully it will all work out in the end and I will be dancing in several different companies and doing design on the side, and will be living in the city...enjoying life.
This weekend= Artsfest, Gym, Lake George, and Rest/Relax!
I also have been thinking about my choreography also. I have already planned a lot of things out for my comp piece as well as edits for my piece with Thomas, which I am VERY excited to work on!
" Dance is an active verb, it never stops."- Jeannie
" If you can't hear the music, you can't feel the music in your body."- Jeannie
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Day 10
It's already Day 10! No freaking way! I feel like I just got here! So today was a great day! Everything about today was fabulous and I am feeling very energized for tomorrow! We started the day off with a really heartfelt yoga class. Yoga began with Nicole quoting a passage from a book titled, A Path with Heart by Jack Kornfield. The quote that Nicole picked out was in relation to the lec/dem we had the previous day with the company discussing pathways in dance and how one can reach their goals and get to where they want to be. The quote follows:
"Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself and yourself alone one question. This question is one that only a very old man asks. My benefactor told me about it once when I was young and my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it. Now I do understand it. I will tell you what it is: Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good. If it doesn’t, it is of no use." (C. Castaneda)
This really made me reflect all day on this pathway I have chosen. All day I have been thinking, am I taking the right path? Is this for me? I feel as though I am constantly out of shape, not strong enough, and disconnected...but I love to move. It really does give me pleasure to express myself in movement. Although it is a lot of hard work and I will probably never be the best dancer in the world, it doesn't matter. As long as I can have the opportunity to express myself and be who I am, I will be content...well without starving of course!
Then Chris Vo taught ZUMBA today! And wow, I do not remember being as tired in the Ailey Zumba class last year...and I definitely feel as though I am in better shape! He is just a ball of energy and seeing him move just makes me want to continue. But let me tell you, this zumba class was so intense. My entire leotard was soaked by the end, and that was just the warmup for our jazz class!!! WHAT!! Out of shape...Nicole taught a shortened jazz class today. It was odd because one girl was doing one of the combinations and then just walked away when she couldn't do it right! What kind of attitude and professionalism is that! That is one, rude and two, immature! That shows someone how important the aspect of dance is to this girl..not important at all. If she was really invested in the movement, she wouldn't care how badly it looked, she would keep progressing on. Clearly she is just here for the status.. Nicole made a really great point today in class...here is her paraphrased version...
" The best dancers are not the dancers who have great turnout, high legs, and great feet. The best dancers use what they have in their package and make it work."
This really inspired me. She said that dancers are not made to be manufactured out of a cookie cutter. She said that the reason that many people are respected in the dance world is because they bring something new to the table. These successful people bring who they are to the table. She said that even if someone's technique is flawless, it doesn't matter because there is someone probably just as good if not better there to replace you...but that artistry coming from the heart is unique and not something you can replace.
Then after lunch we learned Repertory from Reid from a piece Lar did called Marimba which is one of Lar's older works. It was really repetitive, but really fun. Reid talked a lot about using your breath to create imagery for you regarding tension and release in movement. As opposed to completely letting things go, you should release the tension from your arms and upper body, but keep a pocket of air inflating and creating tension in your torso for support. Reid described it as inhaling air and exhaling so that you have just enough for support.
Then we had Jojo's rehearsal and created dance #3 out of 3. Everytime I see him he has new ideas soaring through his head. I really respect Jojo as a choreographer, dancer, and artist. I feel as though he is so fully committed to dance and not many people fully surrender themselves to something. Jojo not only has a great personality but a great work ethic and I respect that balance.
Then to top off the night I spent 5 lovely hours with some wonderful ladies. Jacki, Lyia, Mirela, Emma, Hannah, AshleyAnne and I had some wonderful times in the dining hall and in my room either discussin dance, playing snaps, playing Black Magic, playing the rhythm gesture game, facebooking stalking people, or creating new languages! I really love these girls and I can't believe we are soon going to have to part! But it's not over yet! More to come! :)
"SLART, LARSTITUTE, HELLAR, TELARSCOPE, DEVLARPE, LARDY GAGA!"
"To truly find yourself you should play hide and seek alone."
"Learn to use your eyes to gear your intention for the movement."- Nicole
"Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself and yourself alone one question. This question is one that only a very old man asks. My benefactor told me about it once when I was young and my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it. Now I do understand it. I will tell you what it is: Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good. If it doesn’t, it is of no use." (C. Castaneda)
This really made me reflect all day on this pathway I have chosen. All day I have been thinking, am I taking the right path? Is this for me? I feel as though I am constantly out of shape, not strong enough, and disconnected...but I love to move. It really does give me pleasure to express myself in movement. Although it is a lot of hard work and I will probably never be the best dancer in the world, it doesn't matter. As long as I can have the opportunity to express myself and be who I am, I will be content...well without starving of course!
Then Chris Vo taught ZUMBA today! And wow, I do not remember being as tired in the Ailey Zumba class last year...and I definitely feel as though I am in better shape! He is just a ball of energy and seeing him move just makes me want to continue. But let me tell you, this zumba class was so intense. My entire leotard was soaked by the end, and that was just the warmup for our jazz class!!! WHAT!! Out of shape...Nicole taught a shortened jazz class today. It was odd because one girl was doing one of the combinations and then just walked away when she couldn't do it right! What kind of attitude and professionalism is that! That is one, rude and two, immature! That shows someone how important the aspect of dance is to this girl..not important at all. If she was really invested in the movement, she wouldn't care how badly it looked, she would keep progressing on. Clearly she is just here for the status.. Nicole made a really great point today in class...here is her paraphrased version...
" The best dancers are not the dancers who have great turnout, high legs, and great feet. The best dancers use what they have in their package and make it work."
This really inspired me. She said that dancers are not made to be manufactured out of a cookie cutter. She said that the reason that many people are respected in the dance world is because they bring something new to the table. These successful people bring who they are to the table. She said that even if someone's technique is flawless, it doesn't matter because there is someone probably just as good if not better there to replace you...but that artistry coming from the heart is unique and not something you can replace.
Then after lunch we learned Repertory from Reid from a piece Lar did called Marimba which is one of Lar's older works. It was really repetitive, but really fun. Reid talked a lot about using your breath to create imagery for you regarding tension and release in movement. As opposed to completely letting things go, you should release the tension from your arms and upper body, but keep a pocket of air inflating and creating tension in your torso for support. Reid described it as inhaling air and exhaling so that you have just enough for support.
Then we had Jojo's rehearsal and created dance #3 out of 3. Everytime I see him he has new ideas soaring through his head. I really respect Jojo as a choreographer, dancer, and artist. I feel as though he is so fully committed to dance and not many people fully surrender themselves to something. Jojo not only has a great personality but a great work ethic and I respect that balance.
Then to top off the night I spent 5 lovely hours with some wonderful ladies. Jacki, Lyia, Mirela, Emma, Hannah, AshleyAnne and I had some wonderful times in the dining hall and in my room either discussin dance, playing snaps, playing Black Magic, playing the rhythm gesture game, facebooking stalking people, or creating new languages! I really love these girls and I can't believe we are soon going to have to part! But it's not over yet! More to come! :)
"SLART, LARSTITUTE, HELLAR, TELARSCOPE, DEVLARPE, LARDY GAGA!"
"To truly find yourself you should play hide and seek alone."
"Learn to use your eyes to gear your intention for the movement."- Nicole
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Day 9
Wow, time is winding down fast. I feel like I just got here, but in reality I only have 10 days left! Being here has changed my perception about dance and life in so many ways. I feel as though there is a confidence in my dancing that I have gained and have found a better way to express myself through my intention of my practice of dance. One thing I have realized is that I really need to focus on my core work a lot more. I feel as though when conditioning my body I feel my core work but the transition from conditioning to the integration and application in class is weak and could most definitely be improved.
Today was a very odd day for me regarding my stomach. I did not feel hungry at all today and after forcing food down at meals found it very hard for my to digest today. I have no idea why, but it in turn affected my performance in my Pilates class. However, today's modern class was taught by Nancy Colahan and let me tell you, it was AMAZING! My friend Sarah Eichler, a girl who attended the Paul Taylor intensive last year, has Nancy as a teacher at UC Santa Barbara. Nancy's class was excellent. There wasn't any part of that class I didn't enjoy. Also, by the end of class my entire T-shirt had changed color from all the sweat. The only part of my T-shirt that didn't change color was my lower back and that was only because my leotard was underneath! It was crazy fun!! I wish I could have her as a professor at Towson on the daily! While doing the combinations, I felt so free yet so in control at the same time. I think I am beginning to feel the inner works of Lar's movement.
Today we had more rehearsal with Jojo! The apple dance is definitely developing and I like where it is going. I love it when a choreographer can utilize props in a piece and make it work! I am hoping to incorporate that into a future dance someday and possibly create something that will stun everyone! Jojo doesn't play. His rehearsals have been so productive! I love working with choreographers who feel confident in their ideas and themes and who keep moving forward. Jojo is definitely one of those choreographers, not to mention he got swag.
I called my mother today to talk about other business matters and got into the conversation of more of the intensive talk and after a lot of description and story-telling I told her, "Mom, I know that I have other things in life that I want to do strung along with other passions, but nothing will be as prominent as dance." I found this phrase online today that seems appropriate with my thoughts for the day:
"Do what you love, and love what you do..."
Today was a very odd day for me regarding my stomach. I did not feel hungry at all today and after forcing food down at meals found it very hard for my to digest today. I have no idea why, but it in turn affected my performance in my Pilates class. However, today's modern class was taught by Nancy Colahan and let me tell you, it was AMAZING! My friend Sarah Eichler, a girl who attended the Paul Taylor intensive last year, has Nancy as a teacher at UC Santa Barbara. Nancy's class was excellent. There wasn't any part of that class I didn't enjoy. Also, by the end of class my entire T-shirt had changed color from all the sweat. The only part of my T-shirt that didn't change color was my lower back and that was only because my leotard was underneath! It was crazy fun!! I wish I could have her as a professor at Towson on the daily! While doing the combinations, I felt so free yet so in control at the same time. I think I am beginning to feel the inner works of Lar's movement.
Today we had more rehearsal with Jojo! The apple dance is definitely developing and I like where it is going. I love it when a choreographer can utilize props in a piece and make it work! I am hoping to incorporate that into a future dance someday and possibly create something that will stun everyone! Jojo doesn't play. His rehearsals have been so productive! I love working with choreographers who feel confident in their ideas and themes and who keep moving forward. Jojo is definitely one of those choreographers, not to mention he got swag.
I called my mother today to talk about other business matters and got into the conversation of more of the intensive talk and after a lot of description and story-telling I told her, "Mom, I know that I have other things in life that I want to do strung along with other passions, but nothing will be as prominent as dance." I found this phrase online today that seems appropriate with my thoughts for the day:
"Do what you love, and love what you do..."
Monday, June 6, 2011
Day 8
Today was ROUGH! It was the first day back and boy did it kill me! I woke up bright and early at 7:15 AM and get ready. I got my stuff together had breakfast and left for the studio around 8:00. I arrived at the studio around 8:25 and stretched before class. I then had Yoga with Nicole again. She is a great yoga instructor! She really mixed up the practice and incorporated a lot of new poses that have not tried before. She also talked about the fifth and second chakras and how they should relate to our practice for the day. I really focused on the aspect that came from the fifth chakra which is called "Vishuddha" and is what represents truth and purity. This chakra is located on the neck, thyroid, or throat. Here is a description taken from a website aboiut the chakras:
" The emotion for the 5th chakra is faith and understanding. Because the 5th chakra is located in the throat and governs higher communication, speaking, hearing and listening, it helps us to understand our inner truth and convey it with our voice to the outside world. The sense for the 5th chakra is hearing. Chanting, singing, speaking, reading aloud are all good for the 5th chakra. The vibrations of all these things affect the body down to the cellular level. "
The funny thing is today was all about finding my inner truth and conveying it to others. During ballet today I spent the barre work being very confused and was on the surface of the steps as opposed to being deeply grounded in the steps. Then come the center work I was finding more of myself and my inner truth to come out in my work. I felt as though overall I was expressing myself better. Even in my repertory class today I found myself constantly looking into my inner perspective and inner guide, trying my best to utilize my personality in my intention for the movements. This posed to be quite difficult but on the very last time we performed the repertoire, it became far easier.
Then we had a lec/dem right after where the company members performed North Star to us. It was brilliant of course, and gave me chills. Especially watching Jojo, Chris, Brian, and Nicole I found myself relating to the organization of the dance in a way that became quite emotional. Then we had our lecture where Lar talked for quite awhile! I took so many notes! I will share some that I took in a few. The funny thing is Lar told us beforehand to write down some questions we had for him so that when they ask us we can have something different for them to talk about. Right before he went down the list of names to call people he was talking about fear in taking a risk and fear in dancing. It was so odd, because new questions kept developing in my head during this conversation even though I already had written four or five down and of course the first name he called on was me! I don't know if that was pure coincidence, but I had a feeling I would be called at that moment. And I'm glad he did call me at that time, because I had such a relevant and pertinent questions regarding the topic of fear. I asked the dancers how they overcome the fear that holds when in an audition or when being judged by others, how they eliminate the negative energy and push forward. The first person to jump to the question was Jenna, and the thing that she said was "Trust yourself." This was very ironic considering this topic had been coming up all day! Learn to trust that you have what it takes and everything will fall in place. It was funny because almost every dancer commented on this question, which means they all experience fear all the time. Sometimes I feel like because some people have reached their goals and made it into a company and have successfully achieved some of their dreams, we look up to them like they are Gods and Goddesses and forget that they are people too and they are or have before experienced the same feelings in some dosage or another. This question really did help me however, because it made me feel as though there is hope for me in some way. If I can learn to trust myself and be honest in my intention and integrity of dance, I will find a way to make it far.
Then, after a short dinner, back to rehearsal I went. I am in Jojo's piece, and the first thing he told me prior to entering the rehearsal was to bring an apple..and boy did we use those apples. I am interested to see where this piece will go tomorrow in rehearsal. But after a long day of dance, it is time for bed. Tootles. <3
"Good dancing is thousands of details strung together and it takes a lot of time and paitience."- Jeanne Solan
"Technique is where we begin, artistry is where we end."- Lar
"...This is a study of humanity." - Lar about Dance
" The emotion for the 5th chakra is faith and understanding. Because the 5th chakra is located in the throat and governs higher communication, speaking, hearing and listening, it helps us to understand our inner truth and convey it with our voice to the outside world. The sense for the 5th chakra is hearing. Chanting, singing, speaking, reading aloud are all good for the 5th chakra. The vibrations of all these things affect the body down to the cellular level. "
The funny thing is today was all about finding my inner truth and conveying it to others. During ballet today I spent the barre work being very confused and was on the surface of the steps as opposed to being deeply grounded in the steps. Then come the center work I was finding more of myself and my inner truth to come out in my work. I felt as though overall I was expressing myself better. Even in my repertory class today I found myself constantly looking into my inner perspective and inner guide, trying my best to utilize my personality in my intention for the movements. This posed to be quite difficult but on the very last time we performed the repertoire, it became far easier.
Then we had a lec/dem right after where the company members performed North Star to us. It was brilliant of course, and gave me chills. Especially watching Jojo, Chris, Brian, and Nicole I found myself relating to the organization of the dance in a way that became quite emotional. Then we had our lecture where Lar talked for quite awhile! I took so many notes! I will share some that I took in a few. The funny thing is Lar told us beforehand to write down some questions we had for him so that when they ask us we can have something different for them to talk about. Right before he went down the list of names to call people he was talking about fear in taking a risk and fear in dancing. It was so odd, because new questions kept developing in my head during this conversation even though I already had written four or five down and of course the first name he called on was me! I don't know if that was pure coincidence, but I had a feeling I would be called at that moment. And I'm glad he did call me at that time, because I had such a relevant and pertinent questions regarding the topic of fear. I asked the dancers how they overcome the fear that holds when in an audition or when being judged by others, how they eliminate the negative energy and push forward. The first person to jump to the question was Jenna, and the thing that she said was "Trust yourself." This was very ironic considering this topic had been coming up all day! Learn to trust that you have what it takes and everything will fall in place. It was funny because almost every dancer commented on this question, which means they all experience fear all the time. Sometimes I feel like because some people have reached their goals and made it into a company and have successfully achieved some of their dreams, we look up to them like they are Gods and Goddesses and forget that they are people too and they are or have before experienced the same feelings in some dosage or another. This question really did help me however, because it made me feel as though there is hope for me in some way. If I can learn to trust myself and be honest in my intention and integrity of dance, I will find a way to make it far.
Then, after a short dinner, back to rehearsal I went. I am in Jojo's piece, and the first thing he told me prior to entering the rehearsal was to bring an apple..and boy did we use those apples. I am interested to see where this piece will go tomorrow in rehearsal. But after a long day of dance, it is time for bed. Tootles. <3
"Good dancing is thousands of details strung together and it takes a lot of time and paitience."- Jeanne Solan
"Technique is where we begin, artistry is where we end."- Lar
"...This is a study of humanity." - Lar about Dance
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Day 7
Today I woke up very tired for some reason. I went to breakfast at 8:00 with the ladies and then came back immediately and napped until 10. Then I did my ritual practice of Hour of Power Yoga from Lifeline Power Yoga's audio recording. It was great to still have the ability to get in my yoga practice from Lifeline's flow while residing in Saratoga. I have been thinking about getting certified in the 200 Hour level for Yoga. It would be a great way to condition myself while also having a backup job. Teaching yoga could be really beneficial to me in many ways. I could definitely implement it in my practice for dance, and I could also have the ability to teach it to others while making money on the side if need be. Yoga is a great way for me to get in tune with my body. I feel like after doing my practice of yoga, having a dance technique class or performing other workouts becomes easier. This is mainly because I get an overall perception of my body's status, and without judgement go through the different poses. I ALWAYS feel better after practicing yoga also. There is a saying I found from Charm City that says, "An hour and a half of suffering leads to a lifetime of happiness." That definitely proves to be true, because although I appreciate the practice of yoga on my body, it is not easy work!
Then I went to the mall and bought new sneakers because my old sneakers are torn up! And they were $70! Ridiculous!! Hopefully they will last me another 2 years like my last ones did, but that is seriously ridiculous! Shoes cost too much these days!
Anyways, I discovered a new artist that I really like and am thinking about choreographing to. They are called Explosions in the Sky. They have great musical selections. I am thinking I will use it for my comp piece, which I can hopefully feed off of and submit for either DMPP or Inertia next year. Who knows! I am feeling really inspired by them. I have been having a lot of thoughts while at this intensive, and I am hoping that all of my thinking will soon lead to me making some sort of creation of it. We shall see.
Then I went to the mall and bought new sneakers because my old sneakers are torn up! And they were $70! Ridiculous!! Hopefully they will last me another 2 years like my last ones did, but that is seriously ridiculous! Shoes cost too much these days!
Anyways, I discovered a new artist that I really like and am thinking about choreographing to. They are called Explosions in the Sky. They have great musical selections. I am thinking I will use it for my comp piece, which I can hopefully feed off of and submit for either DMPP or Inertia next year. Who knows! I am feeling really inspired by them. I have been having a lot of thoughts while at this intensive, and I am hoping that all of my thinking will soon lead to me making some sort of creation of it. We shall see.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Day 6
Today was a great day of recreation and rest. I woke up at 8:00 and had a nice breakfast with everyone. Then I went to the gym for almost 2 hours and did a total of 7 miles on the elliptical, treadmill, and bike! Then I came home and slept for a few hours. I then went to dinner with Lydia and Morgan and then eventually went to the mall and movies! It was really hard to pay for a movie ticket at Regal, when I could be getting free tickets, but it's fine! We saw Bridesmaids, and I know it's supposed to be a funny movie, but I found it really sad at some points. Annie really lost everything. I can't imagine being in that position. I know that it would be hard for me to hit rock bottom that badly, because I would never have that attitude about life. I feel as though I try my best to always be positive. Who knows though, life could get that bad at some point.
Today was a pretty chill day, so there wasn't much to blog about. But tomorrow I will hopefully have more to say!
Today was a pretty chill day, so there wasn't much to blog about. But tomorrow I will hopefully have more to say!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Day 5
Today was a good end to the week. We had floor barre with Mr. Lar Lubovitch himself! He is such a unique individual! Floor barre was a new type of conditioning for me. Although I have worked on floor barre a lot I feel as though I got a different experience when doing it today. Something that I noticed was that doing the floor barre and laying on the floor really helped inform my muscular structure of my back and shoulders. My upper body organization of my shoulders was beginning to feel what I was trying so hard to get it to feel today. I felt my back become very strengthened and engaged.
In ballet I noticed my shoulders really utilizing the new sensation I gained from floor barre. We did a bunch of combinations that were grounded, circular, and light with classical ballet as well as "Lar's" steps. Having the company members in class with us is a real treat. Not only do we have class with them, but we spend almost all day with them. They eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner with us, teach us, take class with us, and are setting pieces on us.
We then had repertory with Attila who taught us part of a solo from the trio of three men. The solo was really hard for me to get into at first. I knew the steps but I didn't have any emotional connection coming out of it, until Attila demonstrated it for us. He told us that in those few minutes he was dancing he was telling his story, and by the end of it we should know more about him then we thought we did before. He was definitely right about that. I felt something in his dancing that I did not have in my attempt. When he was finished he said he was embarrassed. He felt as though he had exposed himself to us and given us a part of himself that is in a deep region of his emotional spirit. Then, a weird thing happened. I tapped into that place he was in when doing it. I messed up a lot of the steps in the process because of this, but by the end of it I felt as though I was feeling a feeling that I didn't want to feel expressed in my solo, maybe depicting an experience in my past. Even though I wasn't the one who stood out the most, or had the best interpretation of it, I felt something I haven't encountered in a long time if ever. Attila said that you have to pull something out within yourself and make it yours...and I feel as though I pulled something out that I can now use in the future.
Then we went to the Lecture/Demonstration and saw Lar Lubovitch perform Legend of Ten We then decided to have a girls night out. We went downtown and immediately approached a drum circle. Us being typical dancers were attracted to it, so we went over. Liz and Ashleyanne started dancing with the drummers, and let me tell you it was crazy dancing! It was so crazy that the company members saw us while driving by and yelled out at us, parked their car, and walked over to us to see what the riot was about. It was quite hysterical. Not only did the company members come over to the circle, but a huge audience came over and started watching! That is an experience I am not going to forget! Then we tried to find an 18 and over bar or something fun to go to, but literally nothing in Saratoga is made for people under 21! It sucks! So we ended up at this Chinese/Thai/Japanese restaurant that had live music.
In ballet I noticed my shoulders really utilizing the new sensation I gained from floor barre. We did a bunch of combinations that were grounded, circular, and light with classical ballet as well as "Lar's" steps. Having the company members in class with us is a real treat. Not only do we have class with them, but we spend almost all day with them. They eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner with us, teach us, take class with us, and are setting pieces on us.
We then had repertory with Attila who taught us part of a solo from the trio of three men. The solo was really hard for me to get into at first. I knew the steps but I didn't have any emotional connection coming out of it, until Attila demonstrated it for us. He told us that in those few minutes he was dancing he was telling his story, and by the end of it we should know more about him then we thought we did before. He was definitely right about that. I felt something in his dancing that I did not have in my attempt. When he was finished he said he was embarrassed. He felt as though he had exposed himself to us and given us a part of himself that is in a deep region of his emotional spirit. Then, a weird thing happened. I tapped into that place he was in when doing it. I messed up a lot of the steps in the process because of this, but by the end of it I felt as though I was feeling a feeling that I didn't want to feel expressed in my solo, maybe depicting an experience in my past. Even though I wasn't the one who stood out the most, or had the best interpretation of it, I felt something I haven't encountered in a long time if ever. Attila said that you have to pull something out within yourself and make it yours...and I feel as though I pulled something out that I can now use in the future.
Then we went to the Lecture/Demonstration and saw Lar Lubovitch perform Legend of Ten We then decided to have a girls night out. We went downtown and immediately approached a drum circle. Us being typical dancers were attracted to it, so we went over. Liz and Ashleyanne started dancing with the drummers, and let me tell you it was crazy dancing! It was so crazy that the company members saw us while driving by and yelled out at us, parked their car, and walked over to us to see what the riot was about. It was quite hysterical. Not only did the company members come over to the circle, but a huge audience came over and started watching! That is an experience I am not going to forget! Then we tried to find an 18 and over bar or something fun to go to, but literally nothing in Saratoga is made for people under 21! It sucks! So we ended up at this Chinese/Thai/Japanese restaurant that had live music.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Day 4
Today was another good day at the intensive. I feel very comfortable here. Living in this lifestyle of waking up everyday and conditioning my body from 9 am to 6 pm is intense, but it's all so exciting. I love the feeling of just moving through your body in full expression. I have learned a lot about myself and a lot about other people while being here and I am enjoying every minute of it.
We had Pilates today with Laura again, which was actually quite successful, I am already beginning to see myself improve and grow stronger. I also had Katarzyna again for modern. We had the same warmup combinations for class but then learned a very fun combination that we kept repeating at the end. We cycled through at least 4 times and I feel like even in those 4 times, I became more developed as I progressed. I feel like whenever I let go of my inhibitions I can do so much more then I ever thought I could. It really is 10% Physical, 90% Mental. Just the thinking I had when approaching combinations today has changed dramatically throughout this process. Then in repertory class we had Rebecca again. We reviewed Smoke Rings and learned a new solo that originally created for her. She calls this the "Fuck You" solo. She told us that it was created for her because of personal experiences that she had been faced with in her life of feeling "abandoned." The choreography is simple, yet intricate, but above all has a mood to it. The whole solo is supposed to depict a troubled soul trying to fight against society and everyone trying to force her into her discomfort.
I then went swimming and biked 5 miles in the gym. I had to rush from the gym to get in a shower and dinner in an hour so I could catch a bus to the National Museum of Dance to hear Lar speak to the general public. Lar talked mostly about his upcoming dances and his choreographic process. But he also brought up how he came to dance. He said that he was going to Iowa State University as a Studio Art Major, and then discovered Dance through his friend who was trying to get a dance program at the school. The only reason it peaked his interest was because this girl stated, "Anyone who wants to lift a bunch of girls come with me." Lar said that was captured his interest and through that he discovered the art of dance. Maybe if he hadn't made that choice, he would not be where he is today. Because of that he was granted a full scholarship to the Juilliard School and is now one of today's ten best choreographers in the world. It just made me think. Everything happens for a reason. If I don't end up among one of those dancers I look up to, there's a reason for it. And if I do end up there but not for awhile, it will be because it wasn't the right time for me yet. Honestly, what are the chances that Lar would be a choreographer today if he hadn't followed that girl? It's fate.
Other thoughts for the day...I was picked for Jojo's piece! I'm really excited to start working with him. He has such a big personality, and it really does come out in his dancing. The only thing that really got to me was this taboo of dancers and their maturity levels. A lot of dancers were not picked to be in these pieces, and while I understand the excitement you get from getting picked, imagine how everyone else feels. I have been there several times, where I see literally EVERYONE around me get picked for the one available spot, and where am I? In the back, on the sidelines, watching and waiting for my opportunity. While I am sincerely grateful for my success in landing a spot this time around, is this how it's going to be for the rest of my dance career? Constant elimination and constant competition over things that dancers can't take personally. Everyone should always have the mindset that not everyone is going to get picked in an audition, but it doesn't mean it hurts any less when you don't get picked. I don't know, just food for thought. I have seen the faces of those who didn't get picked and I emphasize with them.
However, I am REALLY excited for what tomorrow has in store for me...and the next day...and the day after that.
I feel as though sometimes I need to come alive again after working so diligently on technical aspects of training. Sometimes I lose my passion and I lose my fire that got me to love this art form. That in itself is the most dangerous spell one can have upon them. Because, no matter how hard you work, if there is no fire there isn't really any point.
Never have I appreciated myself so much before. I feel as though I have finally taken action to help condition and restore my body. A lot of times we put our bodies through so much without giving our bodies anything in return. I am trying to eat right, cross-train, condition my body mentally and emotionally, and just give my body what it needs. Regardless of what everyone else thinks, I love my body and I love the way it lets me move, feel, think, breathe, heal, and love.
We had Pilates today with Laura again, which was actually quite successful, I am already beginning to see myself improve and grow stronger. I also had Katarzyna again for modern. We had the same warmup combinations for class but then learned a very fun combination that we kept repeating at the end. We cycled through at least 4 times and I feel like even in those 4 times, I became more developed as I progressed. I feel like whenever I let go of my inhibitions I can do so much more then I ever thought I could. It really is 10% Physical, 90% Mental. Just the thinking I had when approaching combinations today has changed dramatically throughout this process. Then in repertory class we had Rebecca again. We reviewed Smoke Rings and learned a new solo that originally created for her. She calls this the "Fuck You" solo. She told us that it was created for her because of personal experiences that she had been faced with in her life of feeling "abandoned." The choreography is simple, yet intricate, but above all has a mood to it. The whole solo is supposed to depict a troubled soul trying to fight against society and everyone trying to force her into her discomfort.
I then went swimming and biked 5 miles in the gym. I had to rush from the gym to get in a shower and dinner in an hour so I could catch a bus to the National Museum of Dance to hear Lar speak to the general public. Lar talked mostly about his upcoming dances and his choreographic process. But he also brought up how he came to dance. He said that he was going to Iowa State University as a Studio Art Major, and then discovered Dance through his friend who was trying to get a dance program at the school. The only reason it peaked his interest was because this girl stated, "Anyone who wants to lift a bunch of girls come with me." Lar said that was captured his interest and through that he discovered the art of dance. Maybe if he hadn't made that choice, he would not be where he is today. Because of that he was granted a full scholarship to the Juilliard School and is now one of today's ten best choreographers in the world. It just made me think. Everything happens for a reason. If I don't end up among one of those dancers I look up to, there's a reason for it. And if I do end up there but not for awhile, it will be because it wasn't the right time for me yet. Honestly, what are the chances that Lar would be a choreographer today if he hadn't followed that girl? It's fate.
Other thoughts for the day...I was picked for Jojo's piece! I'm really excited to start working with him. He has such a big personality, and it really does come out in his dancing. The only thing that really got to me was this taboo of dancers and their maturity levels. A lot of dancers were not picked to be in these pieces, and while I understand the excitement you get from getting picked, imagine how everyone else feels. I have been there several times, where I see literally EVERYONE around me get picked for the one available spot, and where am I? In the back, on the sidelines, watching and waiting for my opportunity. While I am sincerely grateful for my success in landing a spot this time around, is this how it's going to be for the rest of my dance career? Constant elimination and constant competition over things that dancers can't take personally. Everyone should always have the mindset that not everyone is going to get picked in an audition, but it doesn't mean it hurts any less when you don't get picked. I don't know, just food for thought. I have seen the faces of those who didn't get picked and I emphasize with them.
However, I am REALLY excited for what tomorrow has in store for me...and the next day...and the day after that.
I feel as though sometimes I need to come alive again after working so diligently on technical aspects of training. Sometimes I lose my passion and I lose my fire that got me to love this art form. That in itself is the most dangerous spell one can have upon them. Because, no matter how hard you work, if there is no fire there isn't really any point.
Never have I appreciated myself so much before. I feel as though I have finally taken action to help condition and restore my body. A lot of times we put our bodies through so much without giving our bodies anything in return. I am trying to eat right, cross-train, condition my body mentally and emotionally, and just give my body what it needs. Regardless of what everyone else thinks, I love my body and I love the way it lets me move, feel, think, breathe, heal, and love.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Day 3
So another day has passed! Today was a day just full of inspiration and appreciation for dance as an art form. My attitude towards everything from yesterday has completely changed. It always helps when you find out that your work is appreciated by someone. And it always helps to let go. Today was a day that I definitely let everything go and was myself.
I woke up pleasantly surprised by my addition of another mattress to the one I have now. I had breakfast and walked to the studio and had yoga again. Today was a day of inversions! Lovely! We focused on the third chakra which is the navel chakra. We strengthened the core of the navel and thought about the power of the navel chakra. I worked with two girls in my class on my handstand, one of them is currently in MOMIX and does a lot of inversions on a daily basis. She noticed that I was struggling to keep my body supported by my inner abdominals. Interestingly enough, I looked up the different chakras and I took a test on this website and found that my navel chakra is under-active. When I read what this meant, I found it to be very true of the status of who I am and what struggles I have been dealing with. It aid that I lack control and I lack the ability to be assertive. I also lack support of myself and have self-image and self-esteem problems. This was so true! But today, I proved my weak chakra wrong.
After yoga was our Jazz class taught by Jojo! To start, Jojo is this amazing sassy gay black dancer for Lar Lubovitch and watching him dance literally makes me cringe. His class was one of the best classes I have had in awhile. Not only did I feel confident the whole time, but I felt an energy in myself that I haven't utilized in a LONG time. I am always working hard in class, but I honestly just needed to let loose and let go of all of the problems and tension that I have been carrying around with me all year. The combinations were fierce! Not to mention they were to great song choices, Jessie J...Britney...The Temper Trap...Adele! Ah! I wanted to keep doing those combinations over and over again!
Anyways, at lunch I went over to the cookie table, something I wasn't planning on doing, but it's a good thing I did. I literally said to myself, best decision about a cookie I have ever made! But Jojo was there and he saw me and say "you better work it girl". Of course, being my ditsy self, didn't understand he was complimenting me! He was like, " You worked it today girl, I was watching you!" I know, to many this might seem like a meaningless comment, something I could be telling myself on the daily, but knowing that people appreciate your work is probably one of the best feelings you can get after putting so much energy into something. Today I danced for myself, and in return someone noticed. I am not saying I dance for an audience, but knowing that your art is appreciated is rewarding to me. Just like Susan Mann said..."You just need to let go!"...
As a result of this one comment from one person that I have known for less than 72 hours, changed the dynamic of my day. In turn, I was more confident in my repertory class and ended up disregarding audience and dancing for the true act of living my passion. A lot of time, I try to perfect my technique, and in turn lose the essence of my art and my passion. If I could just translate this into my everyday practice, I know that I will make it far. It really is mind over matter.
In my repertory class we learned a piece called Cryptoglyph with music by Meredith Monk. The music was very "african-esque, drumming, 70's jazz feel." The choreography was SO intricate. I have come to find that learning Lar's choreography and correctly translating the essence and origin of the movement is the most difficult part of it all. The vocabulary is so exact, it's hard to put it in your body. However, once it's in your body it's stuck there. A lot of Lar's work that I have seen and learned I have found to be very circular and fluid. His movement is much centered around the pathways of steps as opposed to the steps themselves. Transitions are often more important than the actual steps themselves. He also looks for you to paint a portrait of a theme through movement pathways that only have certain peaks of high energy. A lot of time the feeling you get when you "mark" a dance is the correct feeling you should be getting in your body when performing the steps, just a hair more escalated. It's difficult to find that sensation. I feel like after Lar's speech however, I have been thinking more about the orgin of the movement. The analysis of movement is a lot easier I have found by taking Nancy's SCIBI class. Thank you Nancy! Anyways, the repertory piece was taped by the company members who are looking for dancers to be in their pieces they are planning on choreographing for our showcase. Not everyone will get a spot. I hope they are not basing that last run-through as our audition, because at that point we had run through it twice without a real break= all the steps were SLOPPY! I was sloppy! But who knows, maybe I will have a shot. If not, that just means more running and swimming after dance. I swam what I think is half a mile in the pool and ran a mile on the tread after dance. Crazy am I? Anyways, today was a great day, and I only hope that I continue to have days like these throughout the intensive.
Jessie J was playing during Jojo's class and I have been listening to her all day ever since, and her lyrics are very appropriate for my new way of thinking:
"I stare at my reflection in the mirror, why am I doing this to myself? Losing my mind on a tiny error, I nearly left the real me on the shelf...no no no no. Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars. Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing. It's okay to not be okay. Sometimes its hard to follow your heart. Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising, just be true to who you are." - Jessie J
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