The Lar Lubovitch Experience has come to a close. What an amazing three weeks spent in a small town with big people. I have met so many extraordinary people and made a lot a great friends that I hope to never lose. It's amazing what three weeks can do to you...
It was very emotional for me today. We had our final Yoga class with Nicole and then had a modern class with Jason. His class was very Graham. It was a great class, I only wish Jason could have taught us more. He told us that he was one of the founders of Battleworks by Robert Battle! No wonder he is such an exquisite dancer, Robert Battle was his colleague!
Then we had lunch, an hour rehearsal and then the show. Kate and Brian showed 3/4 of Fandango, the duet we had been learning in partnering class with Sylvan. It was beautiful! It definitely is a challenging duet...and we only learned 2:00 of the 15:00 minute solo!! Then the show started. We saw Nicole, Reid/Jenna, and Chris's pieces go, and then Jojo's....and it was kind of a disaster. Not only did my skirt fall off, but the timing was completely off and everyone's timing with the music created a sloppy canon. I was not pleased...but then we all talked to everyone and no one really noticed. Because the piece was so dramatic and theatrical, people weren't especially invested in the specific details.
I talked to Jonathan afterwards and explained to him how frustrated I was with my performance. He said that given the circumstances, we did the best we could have! Our rehearsals were perfect too! That is what sucks! This is why Ms. E always told us it's good to have a bad dress rehearsal and bad luck to have a successful one! Anyways, I was talking with Jojo after and I shared to him my frustration of the future. His response was to not be discouraged and that everyone has those days where you wonder if you should even be in this career path..but he encouraged me to go forth and continue to work hard. He said, "Be the diva that you already are but are afraid of being." This was definitely a boost for me. Shoutout to Jojo to helping me through this process! I feel as though he's been there with me since Day 1, making me feel like I belong in this business. And although it seems silly, it really helped me gain my confidence. While everyone was telling everyone else how beautiful they were I felt as though I was not noticed. But even for a split second, Jojo noticed me and my hard work and it felt great to be appreciated by someone. I will continue to work my hardest and try to grasp my inner diva however, without the help of others but by simply trusting myself.
I have learned so much about myself in this journey, and it would have not been possible without my parents. Without their hard work and their dedication to me and my successes, I would not have come so far. I am living my dream right now, I am hoping that all this hard work pays off and allows me success in the future, but I have so much to be thankful for. If my journey in dance must end to tomorrow, at least I can say that I had a great experience and that I had supportive parents to back me up.
Thank you to everyone who made this experience worthwhile. I will miss my Skidmore/Saratoga/Lubovitch friends, but have no doubt I will see them all again. For now, adios!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Day 18
Today I woke up with a bad attitude and a bad outlook on my life and experiences, but today I ended the day on a high note in hopes for my future. What an emotional roller coaster I have been on these past three weeks. After all, I have been exposed in a vulnerable place that I am typically not in. Living here in Saratoga for three weeks, I have met phenomenal people and have learned a great deal about dance, people, and life. I feel as though I have found an inner connectivity to the world around me and the true meaning of everything that happens in a day, month, year, and lifetime. Yes, I have learned a great deal of technique from some of the most brilliant people in the world, and yes I have made some new friends and connections that will hopefully cross my path in my future, but most of all I have learned a great deal about myself.
Today I woke up thinking, I am not good enough and realized that I am as good as I want to be. And what is "good?" There simply is no definition of a good dancer. You will never in a lifetime be able to judge the quality of joy that someone has from the brilliance of dance. And yes, maybe I will never be in Lar Lubovitch, or Alvin Ailey, or even Shen Wei, but if I am dancing and enjoying life and being the best I can be that's all that I can do, and that is enough. In our lecture demonstration today we viewed Attila do his solos from Little Rhapsodies, Jason do his Meredith Monk solo, and saw videos of Chris Vo and Concerto 622. After the demonstrations we had our final chat with Lar and the company. He asked us to give feedback to him and the company to see what we are going to take back with us. Something that struck me was when Jeannie spoke. She said a quote about the idea of perfection and the idea we have of perfection in our minds and this is what she said:
" Perfection is counterproductive, it likes humility. In order to find a straight line you have to work humbly."
This resonated with me in a way that made me feel quite emotional. After having a rough class with Chris Vo today in modern, I all of a sudden realized that it's okay that I am not perfect. Dance is a constant journey that will never be perfected but will constantly require work and attention to keep its beauty.
Another thing Lar mentioned was body image. It was a side note of the discussion but he brought it up and said this:
"You don't have to change your body to dance, but you can change your body if you don't like it."
This is so powerful for me and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have always had body image issues. I don't want to risk my health by starving myself to make it as an artist, but often it is perceived that being a dancer means you must be skinny. It's great to hear someone with such power say that you can be accepted for who you are, in fact it is preferred.
On another note, tonight after rehearsal we went to the company member's apartments and hung out with the company members. It was cool to see them just as people. Often people see people who are so successful, or see role models or icons and become star-struck, and more often than not you find out the inner personality of these people and find them to not be the icon you thought they were portrayed as. Being around the company members made me respect them even more. Seeing them as real people, just like us made me think that they aren't an unnatural super hero with special powers, they worked hard to get to where they are today. If I work hard enough I could possibly be where they are today. Then after we talked about dance, Attila said something that was kind of an epiphany for me. He said, "Dance and life are on a parallel. Dance is about the transitions and Life is about the journey. There are certain milestones in your life that you remember, but what really matters isn't your destination, it's how you got to that point." And it is so true. Growing never stops, Dancing never stops, and Learning never stops. The only thing that stops is time, so take advantage of it while you can. I have realized that as long as I am honest with myself and as long as I am enjoying every part of my life, I will be okay and things will work out. Life's plan for me may be even bigger than dance, who knows...I am willing to take this journey to find out what it is.
Today I woke up thinking, I am not good enough and realized that I am as good as I want to be. And what is "good?" There simply is no definition of a good dancer. You will never in a lifetime be able to judge the quality of joy that someone has from the brilliance of dance. And yes, maybe I will never be in Lar Lubovitch, or Alvin Ailey, or even Shen Wei, but if I am dancing and enjoying life and being the best I can be that's all that I can do, and that is enough. In our lecture demonstration today we viewed Attila do his solos from Little Rhapsodies, Jason do his Meredith Monk solo, and saw videos of Chris Vo and Concerto 622. After the demonstrations we had our final chat with Lar and the company. He asked us to give feedback to him and the company to see what we are going to take back with us. Something that struck me was when Jeannie spoke. She said a quote about the idea of perfection and the idea we have of perfection in our minds and this is what she said:
" Perfection is counterproductive, it likes humility. In order to find a straight line you have to work humbly."
This resonated with me in a way that made me feel quite emotional. After having a rough class with Chris Vo today in modern, I all of a sudden realized that it's okay that I am not perfect. Dance is a constant journey that will never be perfected but will constantly require work and attention to keep its beauty.
Another thing Lar mentioned was body image. It was a side note of the discussion but he brought it up and said this:
"You don't have to change your body to dance, but you can change your body if you don't like it."
This is so powerful for me and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have always had body image issues. I don't want to risk my health by starving myself to make it as an artist, but often it is perceived that being a dancer means you must be skinny. It's great to hear someone with such power say that you can be accepted for who you are, in fact it is preferred.
On another note, tonight after rehearsal we went to the company member's apartments and hung out with the company members. It was cool to see them just as people. Often people see people who are so successful, or see role models or icons and become star-struck, and more often than not you find out the inner personality of these people and find them to not be the icon you thought they were portrayed as. Being around the company members made me respect them even more. Seeing them as real people, just like us made me think that they aren't an unnatural super hero with special powers, they worked hard to get to where they are today. If I work hard enough I could possibly be where they are today. Then after we talked about dance, Attila said something that was kind of an epiphany for me. He said, "Dance and life are on a parallel. Dance is about the transitions and Life is about the journey. There are certain milestones in your life that you remember, but what really matters isn't your destination, it's how you got to that point." And it is so true. Growing never stops, Dancing never stops, and Learning never stops. The only thing that stops is time, so take advantage of it while you can. I have realized that as long as I am honest with myself and as long as I am enjoying every part of my life, I will be okay and things will work out. Life's plan for me may be even bigger than dance, who knows...I am willing to take this journey to find out what it is.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Day 17
Today was a tiring but productive day! I had so much today! We had Pilates in the morning with Laura, our LAST Pilates class! It was very sad, but I felt SO much stronger by the end of it. Then we had ZUMBA again with Chris. His Zumba class is really good. I took Zumba at Ailey last summer and it was a good class, but not as fun and clear as Chris'. He is very good at keeping the momentum and energy up while directing us in a way for us to be able to adjust to his movements quickly. It is such a fun class! I heard people are on a wait-list for his class, no wonder!
Then we had Jazz class with Jojo and he taught a combination that was made to the song Who you are by Jessie J. I related to it in so many ways. It was a little hectic learning the piece at first, but I really connected with the words as well as the emotional response of the movement to the music. We ended up running 10 minutes late to do that combo again! I literally fell in love with it. I would have rather skipped lunch to keep doing that combo. Jojo also made a really good point in the class. He said, "Dance is a short-lived career, you don't have enough time, so be ferocious." Everyone has been telling me just to go after and attack everything with all that I have. I feel as though I have always been persistent in trying to get everything right in dance, now it's time to just enjoy it. Because, dance eventually dies. You can't have something so beautiful last forever, so enjoy it while you can.
Then we had Repertory with Jeannie where Jacki and I learned the duet from Concerto 622 in fifteen minutes! Everyone else had already knew the combo, but since we missed Repertory the other day we had to learn it right away. When I first attempted to pick up the steps, I was scared! But within a few minutes, I picked it up really quickly! I was shocked at how fast we learned it. I had had thoughts earlier in the day about my ability to pick up combinations, and to be honest I don't think I have bad memory. I think my real problem is that I zone out when it is time to learn a combination. I think a big step I need to take is to be in the moment of dance and to pay closer attention in the learning process of choreography so that I can initiate my body in better positioning from the get-go.
We then moved onto our rehearsal with Jojo which lasted from 4-6:30. We did so much running back and forth, I felt as though I ran 3 miles! It was super crazy! Jojo changed the choreography again, but I finally feel pretty secure with the majority of the dance. At first I was a little concerned because I thought the only thing I would be doing would be to arrange the curtains, but I did get assigned a lot more choreography today. The piece feels more confident and it feels like it is coming along better than others are anticipating. I just hope that it all works out and we blow people away with our performance.
I feel as though I have developed a lot of bad habits in my dancing that I want to fix. Looking at all the dancers here intimidates me, but also informs me. I feel as though I have a long way to go to push to a higher level, but that overall I am grasping some concepts a lot better. I think for now I just need to work on developing better habits as well as keeping up with my strengthening conditioning. Sometimes I feel so discouraged for a period of time and feel as though all my work is a waste, but then I have days like today where I discover my joy of dance all over again through simple combinations, classes, rehearsals...and my reasoning for being in this profession/field all becomes clear again.
Then we had Jazz class with Jojo and he taught a combination that was made to the song Who you are by Jessie J. I related to it in so many ways. It was a little hectic learning the piece at first, but I really connected with the words as well as the emotional response of the movement to the music. We ended up running 10 minutes late to do that combo again! I literally fell in love with it. I would have rather skipped lunch to keep doing that combo. Jojo also made a really good point in the class. He said, "Dance is a short-lived career, you don't have enough time, so be ferocious." Everyone has been telling me just to go after and attack everything with all that I have. I feel as though I have always been persistent in trying to get everything right in dance, now it's time to just enjoy it. Because, dance eventually dies. You can't have something so beautiful last forever, so enjoy it while you can.
Then we had Repertory with Jeannie where Jacki and I learned the duet from Concerto 622 in fifteen minutes! Everyone else had already knew the combo, but since we missed Repertory the other day we had to learn it right away. When I first attempted to pick up the steps, I was scared! But within a few minutes, I picked it up really quickly! I was shocked at how fast we learned it. I had had thoughts earlier in the day about my ability to pick up combinations, and to be honest I don't think I have bad memory. I think my real problem is that I zone out when it is time to learn a combination. I think a big step I need to take is to be in the moment of dance and to pay closer attention in the learning process of choreography so that I can initiate my body in better positioning from the get-go.
We then moved onto our rehearsal with Jojo which lasted from 4-6:30. We did so much running back and forth, I felt as though I ran 3 miles! It was super crazy! Jojo changed the choreography again, but I finally feel pretty secure with the majority of the dance. At first I was a little concerned because I thought the only thing I would be doing would be to arrange the curtains, but I did get assigned a lot more choreography today. The piece feels more confident and it feels like it is coming along better than others are anticipating. I just hope that it all works out and we blow people away with our performance.
I feel as though I have developed a lot of bad habits in my dancing that I want to fix. Looking at all the dancers here intimidates me, but also informs me. I feel as though I have a long way to go to push to a higher level, but that overall I am grasping some concepts a lot better. I think for now I just need to work on developing better habits as well as keeping up with my strengthening conditioning. Sometimes I feel so discouraged for a period of time and feel as though all my work is a waste, but then I have days like today where I discover my joy of dance all over again through simple combinations, classes, rehearsals...and my reasoning for being in this profession/field all becomes clear again.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Day 16
Today I woke up feeling better, but still sick. I went to breakfast and avoided eggs, but also avoided meat which meant I barely had any protein for the morning, which isn't norm
Monday, June 13, 2011
Day 15
Today was a sick day! I think I dehydrated myself this weekend and it caught up with me today because I felt nauseous and dizzy all morning and had a huge headache! I ate breakfast but could barely eat because my stomach felt horrid, and I had cramps. Then I went to Pilates which was surprisingly not bad even with my cramps. My abdominal muscles are getting stronger and the exercises are becoming far easier. I then had Modern with Reid where we learned about the Kline technique and did twenty minutes of release in the hips and back of the legs. It was an interesting concept and it helped open up and release some tension in my hips and back of the legs. Reid said that doing this technique really helped him find a medium between release and tension and where to draw the line. He said that doing this technique helped people find ways to use the pelvis as a means for stabilization as opposed to holding tension in other areas of the body. It makes sense; the pelvis is the center of gravity, so movement should be surrounded around the pelvis as a center as opposed to strictly the core abdominals.
At lunch, I was really beginning to feel dizzy. I realized that it might of had to do with the fact that I hadn't drank a lot of water. I went back to my room and laid down. I then decided to not go to to repertory since I had rehearsal from 6:00-9:00. I took a two hour nap and drank a lot of water and coconut water before and after. I then went to dinner and then had rehearsal with Jojo. He is super insane and I love it! Choreographers who are insane are more fun to work with! At least he finds a way to keep it interesting. But some of the other girls saw part of our piece and immediately got jealous, they were like..."Man Jojo is puttingon a full production with you guys..." and yep they're right, he sure is! I love the dance, it is really coming along nicely.
Something I have come to realize is that you can learn a lot about different things, but unless you actually apply it in your life, it is useless. From everything I have learned in all my years of dancing and all my years of living life, I have been hoping it would all change by itself. If I want something to change, I have to change and I have to do something to make things happen. So if I really want to dance professionally, I have to make it happen for me...no one else can. So that's what I intend on doing. Watch out world, here I come.
"Efficiency is cute."- Jojo
"Step onto the unseen earth with commitment. People can pull rugs, but never the earth. Be strong." - Vincent Thomas
"There's a place for us all but dance and life are what you make it....BE FEARLESS."- Linda Denise Fisher Harrell
At lunch, I was really beginning to feel dizzy. I realized that it might of had to do with the fact that I hadn't drank a lot of water. I went back to my room and laid down. I then decided to not go to to repertory since I had rehearsal from 6:00-9:00. I took a two hour nap and drank a lot of water and coconut water before and after. I then went to dinner and then had rehearsal with Jojo. He is super insane and I love it! Choreographers who are insane are more fun to work with! At least he finds a way to keep it interesting. But some of the other girls saw part of our piece and immediately got jealous, they were like..."Man Jojo is puttingon a full production with you guys..." and yep they're right, he sure is! I love the dance, it is really coming along nicely.
Something I have come to realize is that you can learn a lot about different things, but unless you actually apply it in your life, it is useless. From everything I have learned in all my years of dancing and all my years of living life, I have been hoping it would all change by itself. If I want something to change, I have to change and I have to do something to make things happen. So if I really want to dance professionally, I have to make it happen for me...no one else can. So that's what I intend on doing. Watch out world, here I come.
"Efficiency is cute."- Jojo
"Step onto the unseen earth with commitment. People can pull rugs, but never the earth. Be strong." - Vincent Thomas
"There's a place for us all but dance and life are what you make it....BE FEARLESS."- Linda Denise Fisher Harrell
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Day 14
Today not much happened. The girls and I went to breakfast then went to the gym to find it closed. So we ran around the track for a few minutes and did some Yoga with Emma. Then we went to lunch and picked up 5 movies from the library. We watched Thirteen and Session 9. They were sad and scary movies! But yeah, not too much to reflect about today. The only thing really on my mind is how we only have 5 days left of this intensive and I'm not happy about it! And rehearsals are going to be mad long this week because our pieces need to come together!
I want this week to go by slower so I can enjoy it longer, but we all know how this will work. The times when you are having the most fun in your life will flash before your eyes.
I want this week to go by slower so I can enjoy it longer, but we all know how this will work. The times when you are having the most fun in your life will flash before your eyes.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Day 13
Today was kind of an odd day! Very blah. I woke up at 8:00 for Breakfast with Mirela and Jackie. It was rainy and cold out for most of the day. We decided to take a trip to the mall/movies. Since the Artsfest parade was going on we had to take an alternative route to get to the mall. But we got there and saw Hangover 2. It was funny, not as bad as the Washington Post described, but not as good as the first one.
Then we got back and saw a dance performance at Skidmore's Dance Theatre. It was even more disappointing then the previous night! Not only was the choreography horrendous, but the performance from the dancers was weak. I felt no energy in that room until the very last dance, and that was only because the male dancer was entertaining. Seeing performances like that give me hope that I will find jobs in NYC and that I shouldn't worry. I might have to worry about finding more than one job, but that's already a depiction of who I am. I need to have at least 2 jobs so that I don't get bored!
Then we had a girls night where we watched Friends and dance videos. I am really going to miss these girls! I feel like I know them so well and we are bonding so much! I don't want to leave them. On Monday we will only have four more days together and then it will be time to say goodbye! I hope we cross paths with one another in the future because spending this time with them has been a blessing!
So thankful for what life has given me, the opportunity for me to do what I love.
Then we got back and saw a dance performance at Skidmore's Dance Theatre. It was even more disappointing then the previous night! Not only was the choreography horrendous, but the performance from the dancers was weak. I felt no energy in that room until the very last dance, and that was only because the male dancer was entertaining. Seeing performances like that give me hope that I will find jobs in NYC and that I shouldn't worry. I might have to worry about finding more than one job, but that's already a depiction of who I am. I need to have at least 2 jobs so that I don't get bored!
Then we had a girls night where we watched Friends and dance videos. I am really going to miss these girls! I feel like I know them so well and we are bonding so much! I don't want to leave them. On Monday we will only have four more days together and then it will be time to say goodbye! I hope we cross paths with one another in the future because spending this time with them has been a blessing!
So thankful for what life has given me, the opportunity for me to do what I love.
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